lost

I feel really lost.

In yoga today, I was imagining what I would draw as a my superhero self-portrait.  It would be me, throwing off my white coat like Superman, focusing beams of light (really equations) at antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

Or something.

I am studying for Step III and memorizing the names of equations and simple statistics (that to be fair I did not remember).  It was nice though to think quantitatively for a few minutes.

I miss my old self.  Sometimes I don't recognize this doctor-person I have become who is obsessed with efficiency and wants to grind all the artsy-ness away from my life.

I am turning into the computer-staring doctors that I always disliked, but if I don't write my notes as my patients come, it will come out of the end of my day.

I don't like my job, and I never remember disliking my job before.  It's not a good sign.