Saturday, August 11, 2018

ugh

Struggling with my first day as a semi-independent intern with no upper level resident on duty.  Decisions are hard, and I am not sure I am comfortable with the responsibility.

My body of knowledge is small, but weirdly, I feel very comfortable with patients and find that empathy is actually very useful.

I long to have a better body of knowledge but the best I can do is the best I can do. We all have to try to optimize over competing interests.

I just wish I was better and more knowledgable every day.  I wish I could be more hard-nosed, but I am not. I want us all to be better and happier.

What I find so strange as a physician is the concept that I must do right by not only individual patients but also do justice to the system, conserving resources for the community and keeping the hospital afloat also.

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