aftermath

The party is over; the celebrants have gone home. I am left in my apartment with a pile of dirty laundry, manuscripts that are still unfinished, and myself. I am tired and a little empty.  For so many years I have looked forward to completing this journey. Now, I do not quite know what to do with myself, although I know that I need to keep packing, sorting, and preparing to move.

I feel intensely nostalgic for my life in the city – the life I have loved and lived for the past not-quite-decade.

I have felt this before. When I finished my first iron-distance triathlon, I felt a little let down. The triathlon blogs told me that the post-Ironman blues were a common occurrence, ans that I should treat myself gently as I recovered.

Is there such a thing as post M.D./PhD blues?

I am tired. I am so tired.   I am sad about leaving my friends. I am excited about moving to a cheaper place to live, a blank canvas with no memories yet for better or for worse. I imagine what my new apartment might look like. I imagine the things and activities I might do to make new friends. I am too tired to be scared about starting life as a resident, this time without the excuse that “I am just a medical student“.

It will be okay. I know this feeling well. But now, rather than rushing off to the next thing, it is time to rest. It’s time to enjoy I’ve accomplished, to reflect on the past decade of life, and to just be present. After spending so many years so driven, is important to have time just to be with our friends, to love our family, to give back some of the love and support that all of these people have lavish just with throughout the years. It couldn’t have happened without all of you. Thank you.