matched

I matched to my first choice.  And I was really excited and glad!

But now, I have much more anxiety than I would have guessed. I wonder if I made the right choice - should I have tried to match to a better medicine program rather than the combined program?  Will I be okay in the geographic location I'm heading to?

I didn't expect to have post-Match nerves and maybe regrets.  I don't think they are regrets.  I spent a long time thinking, talking to people, being still and feeling my gut feelings.  I think it is in a small way mourning the other possible futures that could have happened.  I felt that a lot when I choose the school I came to, which at the time was not as good a medical school as it is now.

I wonder if I would have made a different choice had I done my sub-internship first.  The answer is no.  I'm absolutely thrilled about heading to the program I am going to.  I'm worried that I maybe won't have as strong a medicine background as I would at another place, but at the end of the day, it isn't going to matter for me (except in self-respect).  In a weird way, it might make me a better resident because I feel that I need to be good.

I am feeling anxious now.  I have a number of misgivings about this program, which I will find out one way or the other.  The reality is that if I had gone to the other program, I would have fast-tracked towards being faculty, and I don't think I would have uprooted again for this program.  I think I would have always regretted it.  I am just trying to figure out what intangibles I will be missing.  Name and prestige, I guess.  But I have always made the choice for what I needed more than what kind of name I would have.  I hope this insecurity doesn't always haunt me.

The reality is, for what I want to do, I would be literally better going off to another country for a year to train in low-resource medicine than I would be going to a fancy program.  And I might still do that...